The terror we avoid.
Stuff in my pockets, but not me.
Have you ever emptied your pocket or bag to find something that you didn’t remember putting in?
We have all had that experience of surprise – “Wow, I totally forgot I picked that up! Wow.”
Often, when I start to relax, I find a bit of terror arises. It’s as though, unconsciously, I tucked some fear away in a back pocket because it wasn’t convenient to deal with it when it happened. And, then, later, I empty my back pocket and find it – “Wow, I totally forgot I picked that up! Wow.”
Sometimes, when I sit and reflect (or “meditate” if you want to call it meditation), I find the heretofore tucked into my back-pocket terror. Of course, this is why I hate meditating – there is often terror or disgust or some other unpleasant feeling lurking below the surface that I didn’t want to deal with. And, worse, there are times, not ten minutes after my head hits the pillow and I finally relax that I bolt upright in terror.
Between our armor-veneer of pretending we are well adjusted and our deep, built in, internal sense of calm exists a layer of YUCK – the stuff we pack away, the stuff we didn’t want to deal with.
So, we don’t get quiet. We don’t sit still. We jump into activities hoping to exhaust ourselves into passing out and avoiding that which we don’t like. We flee from being bored – keeping ourselves “plugged in” to something to keep us from being just with ourselves.
This week’s #wisdom_biscuit:
Be proud when you confront those things you’ve tucked away to deal with later.