I’m having a hard time these days.
In some ways, of course, I shouldn’t be.
I shouldn’t be having a hard time.
Or maybe it shouldn’t appear that I’m having a hard time.
My bride and children are healthy. We have some money in the bank. I have a beautiful home, in a glorious neighborhood, and there’s food in the cabinets and in multiple supermarkets nearby. I have two cars – albeit my beloved 2003 Odyssey with the discolored bumper I bought on Ebay, held in place by flextape is referred to by the kids as the hobo minivan.
I have amazing friends IRL and on the web. Dozens of people I can call upon when the shit hits the fan. When I posted on Facebook on Wednesday that I was in need of TLC, hundreds of folk on the web posted comments, GIFs, and love within an hour.
I love being me. I love my work.
And yet, despite all of the bounty, about which I am utterly conscious and thankful, I’m still having a rough go of it these days.
Here’s the thing: All the positives do not negate the negatives.
That is an important point. Just because many or most things are well doesn’t mean that we don’t still have problems. In fact, it is deleterious to our health to think that we oughtn’t have problems. Because this is life.
“The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem.” –Theodore Rubin
A quality of a spiritual life is being honest. And presenting that I’m fine when I don’t feel fine is not honest, and it doesn’t help anyone.
My life right now is just a bit tough. It’s not one of those really bad times in which I don’t remember that good days exist. This is just a regular life-isn’t-so-easy time.
I don’t need emails of “chin up, buckeroo” or, actually, anything from you. I just wanted to share my load and attempts to balance the positives and the negatives. It feels good to share.
And, I know, as with all things, this too shall pass.
October. Portland. Bedtime. Annie’s room. 2018 "But I shouldn't be in that group," my daughter wailed over and over again. Annie was put in remedial fourth-grade math at the start of the school year. She hadn't learned her times tables. Her teacher explained that...