Hi. This is Rabbi Brian in 2019. August. 

The article below was written in 2014. It’s wonderful. But, not how I’m thinking today.

The difference is…


There is another love language — fidelity, faithfulness, doing the right thing.

When Jane follows through on a commitment, it’s a way she expresses love to me (and herself).

Being honest, loyal, moral. These are ways of expressing love. Noticing that someone is being honest, loyal, moral is a way of acknowledging love.


ROTB (the organization that puts out the newsletter) is member supported. It’s lots of people each chipping in a little. It will cost about $250 to hire someone to help me re-write the article and repost it. And, I want to. If more people know that being a good person is a form of love, maybe more people will do it.



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The Five Love Languages

You’ve heard me talk about the phrase “believe in God” in my podcasts and newsletters.  I’ve expounded on how between the word “

believe” having many meanings and the word “God” having multiple meanings, the phrase “believe in God” may have twenty-plus different meanings.

And, I’ve written about the four aspects of love.

Well, today I want to introduce you to a fantastic work called the “The 5 Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. You can look it up online, get his book, or go to the website.

The five love languages, or the five ways people want love, according to Chapman are these:

1)   Words of affirmation

2)   Acts of service

3)   Receiving gifts

4)   Quality time

5)   Physical touch

Those are some wonderful ways to define what love means.

It turns out that what love means to me is not the same as what love means to my wife Jane.

For me, receiving small gifts makes me happy – it gives me a sense that I am loved and cared for. And, of equal importance, is my desire to experience quality time. Consequently, I used to buy little gifts for my wife Jane because that is what I want and I thought she’d want that as well. And, I would think that our spending time together – which filled me up, would fill her up as well. But it turns out she would much rather have acts of service and words of affirmation. Now, we know what each other wants, so we can give it to each other.

I want you to think about how these concepts apply to yourself.

Of those five, which are the ones you want?  When you are seeking love, what is it that you want from other people? Moreover, think about the people who are important in your life. What do they want, and can you give it to them?

Now, let’s take this concept to a spiritual level, to religion and God (howsoever you understand God). What does you think God want from you?

Which do you think God wants?

1)   Words of affirmation

2)   Acts of service

3)   Receiving gifts

4)   Quality time

5)   Physical touch

I think God wants from me quality time and acts of service. I don’t give God the quality of time that I should.  It turns out that my relationships with (the) God (of my understanding) is always better when I give God what I understand God to want -which is time with me (just like my relationship with Jane is better when I give her love in the format she wants it).

This week’s spiritual advice?

Reflect on how you and others around you interpret love, and take the time to think how you can change your behavior towards them as a result.

With love,