Meanie
“Brian, Brian, Brian. How desperately unethical to quote directly from an article that you read, by Dr. S… S… and B… G…, and not give proper attribution. I’m tempted to report your breach of morality to the board of rabbis. Although, I seriously doubt if you are properly ordained, a Shanda.”
She was right. I was wrong.
Rabbi
“Do you want to know why people are assholes?” I ask the circle of twelve or so campers on couches and chairs in front of me.
It’s Magic Camp. Morning meditation time. It’s the 40th anniversary of my first visit when I was 9.
We’re in the large, sunken first-floor living room of Radnor dormitory of Bryn Mawr college. Just outside of Philly. The whole campus looks like a magical movie set.
I do morning meditation for the early risers. It’s a freeform 30 minutes of interactive Rabbi Brian time. Sometimes we meditate, sometime I do live improv philosophy. It’s loose and lovely. It was in this setting that a younger counselor referred to my drops of knowledge as “wisdom biscuits.”
I ask — partly rhetorically and partly to keep them engaged — “So do you want to know why people are assholes?”
A few light nods.
Good enough for a little after seven in the morning.
I speak while uncapping my sharpie and beginning to write on a sheet of 8.5 x 11. I do both at the same time—a bit of a dramatic teaching device – forcing them to be curious as to what I’m about to write as I speak.
Stagecraft is important. (I went to Magic Camp after all.)
What I’m about to tell you might sound like the dumbest thing that you’ve heard me say.
It’s just two sentences.
Short sentences.
And they are both obvious.
Neither seems to answer the question why people are assholes.
But, after I explain it, you’ll understand these words from Shantideva.
I turn the clipboard so they can see the words.
Fire is hot.
The sky sometimes has clouds.
I pause.
I know from past deliveries of this that there is a disconnect.
I ramp back up, slowly at first.
Would any of you argue that fire is hot?
How about taking issue with the sky for clouds?
Of course, we don’t debate these things. Why? Because it’s in the nature of fire to be hot. It’s in the nature of the sky to sometimes have clouds.
Another pause before the finale:
Why are people assholes?
Because it’s in our nature.
From Shame
It’s in the nature of a brilliant New York Times published author to be
I know not to argue with the sky for sometimes having clouds.


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In three words
Fresh Fish Sold Here Today I remember a magician in the 1980’s unfurling and holding up a paper banner with the words “Fresh fish sold here today” printed on it. The magician would say, “I find this phrase a touch redundant. Fresh? Of course it's fresh fish. The sign...
Laughing @ Incongruities
Laughing at as many incongruities as possible It's a Tuesday night. We just had tacos. We do Taco Tuesdays probably more than two weeks a month, if we kept track of it. But it could be any night other than Tuesdays. Because we aren't that uptight about stuff. The kids...