Anger Not Hate

77% Weekly Newsletter

Over the years, I have written a lot about ANGER.


In light of the upcoming inauguration, I want to add two things about anger. 

1) The cause of anger

There are two causes to all of the anger in the world:

  1. We get angry because we don’t get what we want.
  2. We get angry because we get what we don’t want.

In an easy to remember visual:  GET WANT &  GET WANT

This is from Shantideva, an 8th century Indian monk.
I often ponder and think, wow, in the realm of human operations, nothing much has changed.
I am not getting the president I wanted.
I am angry about that.
But, I don’t need to act out on anger.
I don’t need to be filled with hate.

This brings me to my second point.
 

2) The difference between hate and anger

Anger is a natural emotion. We feel it. Babies feel it.
But, hatred, bitterness, and rage are distortions of anger.
These are not something that babies – or any animal except us humans – do.
Hatred is holding on to anger.
The desire to retaliate. To make ourselves feel bigger. To act out in anger.
This causes harm.
To quote Michelle Obama,

“When they go low, we go high.”


Do not give in to hatred.
Buddhaghosa, a 5th century commentator on the works of the Buddha, wrote,

“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”


So, what to do instead of hate?
Take your anger, feel it. But, then find love and put it into action.
Let me conclude with words from Dr. Martin Luther King – who is celebrated today in the United States,

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness: only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.”

#wisdom_biscuit: Have anger. Don’t hate.

Annoyance Bingo

Annoyance Bingo.Lose your patience. Win big. ✧✧✧ Game play begins Tuesday, April 21, 2026, at 12:00am PT — First Prize: $100 ✧✧✧ The Origin of Annoyance Bingo. For years, I’ve asked mourners at funerals to track the least compassionate things said in an attempt to comfort them — and send me the best (and worst) examples. The idea: when someone

Read More »
Image of a child doing a shoulder ride.

Wastefully

  Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong would answer the question “how shall we express love?” with a single word: “Wastefully.”    ✧✧✧   We don’t express love wastefully. A story and then some thinking about why.   ✧✧✧   It’s 2006. I’m in NYC to—among other things—celebrate the fifth birthday of my first niece, Maya.  I wait outside her school

Read More »

“I love you” x 3

For reasons a team of psychoanalysts might have been able to crack, my dad couldn’t get the three-word phrase “I love you” to come out of his mouth. I knew he loved us. It’s just he couldn’t say it. I rationalized that I didn’t need to hear those three words, but it hurt anyway. This is the story about how

Read More »
77% Weekly Newsletter
77% Weekly Newsletter