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“It doesn’t matter if I mess up, because Aunt Sparky loves me,” said my then 8-year-old boy during the construction of a popsicle-stick gift for a visiting friend.
How true. How true.
Aunt Sparky’s love for him is so large that small mistakes are rendered
Coincidently or not, the next day, I talked with a 16 year old friend. She sounded really odd when we talked. “I’m stoned,” she told me a few sentences into the conversation. “I’ll talk with you later. Enjoy yourself. I love you.” I said.
A day later, there was a text apology from her.
I texted her that I didn’t think she understood how love works. This is what I wrote:
You don’t get how this love thing works… yet.
It’s like this: I see the parts of you that are estimable and am proud of you.
The parts that aren’t estimable I write off and know that they aren’t that important.
Similarly, I have a teacher friend who I adore. When she does something ‘wrong’ I don’t care because I just love her. She has told me that she feels overwhelmed by this devotion – and I understand that. A pastor I knew, Dan, told me once, “It is often easier to feel guilty than forgiven.”
When I have had people (therapists and my wife, mainly), look at me with devotion and love it has felt so overwhelming. I too have become suspect that they really are seeing me. I have felt like they are deluded.
And, similarly, when I receive words (in person, on the phone, through e-mails or letters) from people who tell me how important I am or have been in their lives, I notice a sense of disbelief.
I am better at given than receiving this radical type of love – love that includes acceptance, understanding, and tenderness. I am learning to relax into the notion that the universe, (the) God (of my understanding), and the highest most parts of myself love me so much that I am forgiven for the blunders I make. It makes me feel sort of squishy. And wonderful. All the way into the tips of my ears.
What about you?
Can you believe that you are completely loved? Can you fathom that the parts of you that aren’t totally lovable aren’t a big deal?
The poet Rumi wrote:
Your task is not to seek for love but merely to find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
Believe it.
(What have to you to lose?)
You belong. Exactly as you are. Period.
This week’s #wisdom_biscuit:
Love and be loved faults and all.
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