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My
sister-in-law, Terry was offended last Christmas season when she
received a candy cane from an acquaintance along with a card detailing
the history of the peppermint confection.

The explanation
maintained that the “J” shaped candy in white and red was originally
manufactured to symbolize Jesus, his purity, and the blood he shed.
(Click here or here to read more.)

However, a simple Internet search reveals that this story isn’t true.

Terry
simply lost sight of the generosity of the gift and was offended. When
I asked her why, she explained that it had to do with not wanting
anyone to push their religious views on her.
What if the gift were a
packet vegan cookies and a pamphlet detailing why the world ought not
consume animal by-products, do you think she would have been similarly
upset? What if she received homemade jelly doughnuts and a note about
Channukah, the Maccabees, and an equally dubious tale of oil burning
for 8 straight nights?

One of my favorite quotes is quite fitting here:

If
you dislike someone, the way they hold their spoon will offend you, but
if you like them, they could drop a plate of food on your lap and you
wouldn’t be offended.

Devoted Christians sometimes have a
bad reputation. Why can’t we act with grace, thank them for their gift
– be it a candy cane or their telling us that they are praying for us –
and move on unoffended?

(Here’s a podcast and an article about how to deal with impossible people.)

Oh
God, please help us to act the way that we wish others would act – help
us in this holy day season to truly love our neighbors as we would want
them to love us.

Spiritual-religious advice: Try to see the loving intention behind the acts of those you don’t like.

With love,

Rabbi Brian