A Friday Night Tradition
Religiously.
Every Friday night, religiously, I do a particular tradition.
I do the same ritual religiously every Friday night.
I’m not misusing the word religiously to mean fanatically, as in the improper use of it in the sentence: She exercises religiously.
I use the word religiously as it should be used—with more positive connotations—as in calmly, forgivingly, without rushing.
So, when I tell you that I do this particular Friday night ritual religiously, I mean I’m forgiving and I don’t get bent out of shape if or when it doesn’t happen.
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My Friday night ritual.
At dinner on Friday nights, usually in the time between when I sit to eat and actually start eating, I like to tell people three things I like or admire about them.
When I am with others, I do this in person.
When I find myself at an airport or ‘alone’ for some other reason, I call or text people three things I like or admire about them.
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With people in person, I start this way:
“There is a tradition that I like to do every Friday night. I am going to go around the table and tell each of you three things that I like or admire about you.”
On the phone or by text:
“There is a tradition that I like to do every Friday night. I am going to tell you some things that I like or admire about you.”
I always give people the opportunity to pass if they don’t want to:
“You can totally pass. This is nothing you need to do.”
There has yet to be anyone who has passed.
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When counseling couples towards marriage, I coach them to do this weekly ritual.
I ask, “Do you know the ’80s song What I Like About You by The Romantics?”
They do.
I explain:
“I want you, one at a time, to say to the other three sentences, each starting with the five words What I like about you, but then continue with your own words—not the song lyrics.
It will help you keep the focus on the two of you and your relationship.”
I continue:
“If you are at dinner and there are people besides the two of you, you aren’t exempt. You say, ‘Our rabbi makes us do this.’ And if you want bonus points, do it with them too. Tell each of them three things you admire or like about them.”
As they consider this, I detail why I suggest it:
“This ritual shifts the focus of conversation from politics, technology, or something less spiritually satisfying to something that matters much more: who you are to each other. And, I’d like your wedding prep to include focus on why you are doing the thing in the first place.”
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This next sentence isn’t going to be popular:
I have a theory that the more we see each other—truly see each other, feel acknowledged and important—the less we will feel the need to fill the holes with Amazon purchases.
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There is a Friday coming, dear reader.
Take the above.
Adopt it.
Adapt it.
Express to people what they mean to you.
(Tell me how it goes.)
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Save the next few sentences for Friday night (or read them now).
What I like about you, dear reader:
- I like that you are curious about ways you might augment your spiritual life.
- I like that you are (or might be) considering doing this on Friday.
- Plain and simple: I like that you are you.
