I knew you were going to do that
Every time.
Every time I go to the airport, I have a minor panic.
- I don’t have my wallet! (It’s in my pocket.)
- My flight’s tomorrow! (Nope—it’s today.)
- The rental car company is going to charge me for gas because I didn’t get a receipt. (They didn’t.)
I panic.
Before every trip.
Every time.
It’s just what I do.
I don’t know why.I don’t choose to do it—and I can’t choose not to.
***
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
— Viktor Frankl
***
All I can control is my reaction.
And I’ve learned to.
After years of training my brain to not berate myself, I now say—calmly and compassionately—“It’s okay. It’s just a thing you do. You’re alright.”
***
Every year—every spring—Jane buys a dozen or so annual plants.
Every year, she places plastic pots of zinnias, petunias, impatiens, and others around our front, side, and backyards.
Every year, I dig the holes and plant them.
Every year, she leaves two or three plants in their containers, without saying where they should go.
And every year, the unplanted ones die.
Every year.
***
“I knew you were going to do that” is a phrase often directed at a co-worker, spouse, or child.
“I knew you were going to do that” is usually said with disdain.
The logic seems to be that if you can say “I knew you were going to do that” you are allowed an extra portion of upset.
But this doesn’t make sense.
Foreknowledge that a co-worker, spouse, or child would be late, wouldn’t finish what they started, or would neglect a commitment—or anything else predicted —ought to inspire the opposite of annoyance.
“I knew you were going to do that” should invite understanding and compassion.
If we’re smart enough to know what the other person will do, we ought to be smart enough not to be aggravated.
Otherwise, how smart are we really?
***
I know I’m going to panic on the way to the airport.
I’ve learned to be calm and compassionate to myself about it.
When it comes to Jane’s annual botany sacrifice, I need to cultivate calm and compassion…and resist the urge to attempt to shame her with “*I knew you were going to do that!*”
***
Here’s an idea when we are on the receiving end of “I knew you were going to do that.”
I’d like to respond to the next people who tell me “I knew you were going to do that” with a heartfelt, “I’m so honored that you think about me.”
(It might take some practice, but what else am I doing? Getting irritated?)
Maybe you can respond to the next person who tells you “I knew you were going to do that” with a heartfelt, “I’m so honored that you think about me.”
***
The thing with Jane—
While it might have seemed obvious to you, I didn’t think of it until someone asked me, “Why don’t you just water the plant?”
I think I was so preoccupied with being able to predict what my beloved of 29 years was doing that I went blind to the obvious answer.
So, I watered the plants.
***
I knew you were going to do that—get to the end of this article.
I just knew you were going to do that.
And—
You are welcome for me thinking about you so much
💙rB
