Since the election, I’ve been having a hard time.

(You might be having a hard time too.)

Please see me.

I am disappointed, exhausted, and scared.

Please don’t try to cheer or assure me.

If you are not comfortable with my pain and my fear, please politely take your leave.

I’m not asking to be fixed.

I’m asking that you help me (and others) feel seen.

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You might not have seen the news about the pogrom in Amsterdam on 11/08.

Many people missed the story.

And, you might not know the word, pogrom.

A pogrom is a Russian word that means “wreak-havoc, demolish-violently.”

My grandparents’ parents lived in Eastern Europe, a world in which pogroms were commonplace.

Last week, Jews were sought out and beaten in the streets of Amsterdam last Friday.

In Amsterdam.

In 2024.

Because they were Jewish.

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A week ago Saturday (a few days before the election), I drive to a wedding about 40 miles from Portland, in McMinnville.

On the passenger side of the freeway off-ramp, a man holds  a cardboard sign that reads, “Homeless Vet Please Help.”

Before I can decide if I am going to help—he casually flips over the sign and I read it: FUCK THE JEWS.

I feel violated.

I drive away.

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A dear friend to whom I explain all of this says, “Oh, I should be cheering you up.”

“Oh, no,” I say, “Please withhold your desire to placate or fix—those well-intended actions tell me you can’t sit with my pain, that I need to care of your discomfort. That doesn’t help me when I am the one suffering.”

“Oh,” says my friend, “I didn’t realize. You’re right.”

“It’s alright,” I say and continue, “As Maya Angelou says,” and he completes the quote with me, “When you know better, do better.”

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Beloved reader,

I’m scared.

I’m stressed.

I’m not sleeping well.

I’m not alone.

Please go out of your way today (right now!) and reach out to someone, Jewish or not, suffering or just who you suspect is suffering, with a simple, “I’m thinking about you” or “I’m glad to listen.”

A little validation of someone’s suffering goes a long way to help them feel love.

💙rB