Wastefully
Episcopal Bishop John Shelby Spong would answer the question “how shall we express love?” with a single word: “Wastefully.”
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We don’t express love wastefully.
A story and then some thinking about why.
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It’s 2006. I’m in NYC to—among other things—celebrate the fifth birthday of my first niece, Maya.
I wait outside her school until she appears, sees me, and runs—slowing down as she gets close so we can watch each other’s faces so we can say the word at the same time: Shoulders!
I pick her up, deposit her on my shoulders, and we make our way downtown.
AAAAAAAAAAchooo!
We’re waiting for the walk sign at the corner of 80th and Broadway, and a woman, waiting with us for the light to change, sneezes.
AAAAAAAAAAchooo!
“Bless you,” I say—louder than I might have were I not emboldened by my giggling niece.
Blocks later, now walking hand in hand, arms swinging, Maya tells me, matter-of-factly, “Uncle Brian, you can’t do that…you can’t just tell anyone ‘bless you.'”
“No?”
“No.”
“I can’t?”
“No.”
“Really? I think I can.”
“You’re not supposed to.”
“How’d you know?”
“I just do. “
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A theory as to why we don’t express love wastefully.
Larry, my BFF, an emeritus professor of sociology, opened my eyes to the difference between two types of learning—THINGS TAUGHT and THINGS CAUGHT.
Things taught—like “Pluto is a planet”—we learned from someone.
Things caught—like “turn around and face the elevator doors”—we just picked up.
Things taught are easier to unlearn. (Pluto is not a planet.)
Things caught are harder to unlearn.
You shouldn’t say “bless you” to people on the street.
She wasn’t taught it, she caught it.
And caught things are harder to unlearn.
Which brings us to you and being wasteful with love.
The “rules” you caught about being wasteful with love might not be true.
Some new thinking is warranted.
Go be wasteful, beloved.
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“Shower the people you love with love, show them the way that you feel.” —James Taylor
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Activity:
In the next five minutes, text, email, or tell three people, “Hey, this is a little new for me, but I wanted to tell you: I love you. I hope you’re OK with me having said that.”
Obviously, in your own words.
And, if you don’t want to do that, write me an email explaining why you can’t.
