If someone gets angry at us, we have a tendency to think, “What the hell is wrong with that guy? His response is completely unwarranted.” Or, “What’s her problem? Why is she so mad at me? Her anger is completely unprovoked.”
Harvard College Professor of psychology Steven Pinker says:
Our anger is justified.
Their anger is unprovoked.
Regardless of the situation, we tend to forgive ourselves and condemn “them” as wrong.
But the reality is, when someone else gets mad at us – no matter what the actual reason is – they believe they are justified in their anger. They think they have good reason to get upset. In their minds, they believe they are right.
Consider if the following – the opposite – statement were true:
Our anger is always unprovoked.
Their anger is always justified.
That’s a little scary to think about, isn’t it?
When we think of this “reverse” approach, we can consider someone else’s point of view – the point of view of another person who sees him/herself as blameless.
The better we are at seeing their anger as justified and ours as unprovoked, the calmer, kinder, more compassionate, and more patient people we will become.
Spiritual-religious advice:
Make it a practice to see that all of your anger is unprovoked, and all of their anger is justified.
With love,
Me, Rabbi.
February 25, 2026
✧✧✧ I am a rabbi. I have a Masters Degree in Hebrew letters and a Doctorate of Divinity, and I am ordained as a rabbi. I have each credential framed, in my office, just behind where I sit. They’re not individually affixed to the wall—they lean against one another in a stack. I like the
