Portland, Oregon 

Winter, 2012

Emmett, age five, is in the backseat, and I’m driving.

We approach a red light, where there’s a man holding a cardboard sign. 

“What’s the sign say?” my boy asks.

“Homeless. Hungry. Need $18 for a shower and some place to stay. PLEASE HELP.”

“Can we give him some money?”

I seize this perfect opportunity to teach Emmett an important lesson about generosity—as we have relatively so much.

I take a $20 out of my wallet, open the window, wave the man over, and give him the cash.

The man’s face lights up.

He blesses me. 

I bless him in return. 

The light turns green, and Emmett and I go off to our house—where we have food, a shower, and beds.

At home, Emmett draws at the dining room table.

His paper, I see,  has words on it:  “Can you gibe me money. P.l.e.a.s.e.”

The moral: What we think we (think we) teach and what people learn aren’t always the same.

=*=

Portland, Oregon

Present day.

To matriculate for his first year of college, Emmett must submit the names and dates of all the vaccines he has had.

“Dad, I’m freaking out,” he says in a panic. “I need to submit this today. They need this today!”

I call our health care provider who say they can email the information in five to seven days.

“But that’s too late,” my boy decries.

I opt not to bring up his habit of leaving things for the last moment.

Compassion, not shame, is called for.

Ten minutes later, he calls for me. “Dad, I got it, but I need your help.”

He has found  his medical records online, and he needs me to tell him the dates of his immunizations as he rattles off the names of the vaccines, one at a time, and enters this information into the school’s portal.

I hope he has learned his lesson.

Well, that’s not exactly right.

I hope he has learned the lesson that I think this situation has taught him: do not leave things for the last moment.

But maybe he has learned a different lesson? That it’s alright to leave things for the last minute, because they seem to work out!

=*=

The meaning of what we communicate lies not in our intention, but in how the information is received.

I think I’ve been teaching about kindness, compassion, and love.

I hope that’s what you’ve been learning.